The Indians in Malaysia

We present to you the characteristics that classify the THREE major Indian
groups that exist in Malaysia.

The REGULARs,
The HIP-HOPPERs &
The MACHAs

1) The REGULARs

Definition:
Comprises a mere 7-10% of the total population of Indians in Malaysia. Found
in well-developed parts of the cities spread throughout the peninsular. None
have been found in Sabah & Sarawak as yet, cause usually they'd shift to the
peninsular before they hit puberty.

Characteristics include:

1. Speaks English as their 1st language.
2. Do not know how to (or just don't) speak their mother tongue.
3. Prefer to identify themselves by sub-group rather than the plain
terms like malayalee, ceylonese, telugu, sikh, north indian etc.
4. Uses the internet more than the other 2 groups combined.
5. Swears off, criticizes and ridicule those who watch tamil/hindi
movies and/or dramas.
6. Instead, watches CNN, Travel & Living, MTV, Seinfeld and other
English sitcoms, and able to understand them with ease.
7. Thinks that the REGULAR group is way larger than it actually is and
constantly makes fun of the other groups, in particular the MACHA group.
(Why? Because it's fun!)
8. Aspires to be a doctor. Those who do medicine will eventually do so
at UK/Australia/Manipal, but will normally end up taking more than the
required 5 years to complete the degree due to excessive failure.
9. Despises Samy Vellu.

Recent studies have shown that there is a growing splinter group within the
REGULARs knows as the IPWIC (Indian People With Identity Crisis). This
growing sub-group is considered the elitist by some and is found to make the
occasional statements like "I wish I were in the UK " and/or "This never
happened when I was studying in Australia ". They often speak in
unidentifiable accents. The women/men of this group also prefer to date
white men/women from foreign countries with the excuse that local men/women
"just don't understand me". Many secretly desire to be taken away to live in
a Bollywood film with a happily-ever-after ending.



2) The HIP-HOPPERs
Definition:
The 2nd major group of Indians, the HIP-HOPPERS comprises about 20-30% of
the population of Indians. Normally living in urban areas of
cities, the HIP-HOPPERS, as their name suggests, can never be found where
they actually come from, but rather in clubs, bars, pubs etc. Many secretly
desire to be like the REGULARS but just don't make the cut. Try asking a
hip-hopper if he/she's a Regular, Hip-hopper or Macha. They'd say, "dei, I'm
a Regular!"

The characteristics of the HIP-HOPPERS are:

1. TRY to speak English as their 1st language.
2. Their actual 1st language is Tamil.
3. Openly desire to be blacks (waddap dawg?)
4. Usually tend to start they 'English' conversation with the word "DEI"
5. Hair not in original colour
6. Think Kamalhassan is better than Rajini
7. Have unknown hand movements and slangs that are supposedly cool that
supposedly go well together with their normal attire of FUBU jerseys and
baggy jeans (that are more often than not bought in Petaling Street/ChowKit)
8. Are famously known to shorten their names to suit their lifestyles
ie. Sam, for Muthusamy
Amber for Ambikadevy
Van for Thaeven
9. Large quantities (almost all) found in Jalan Telawi of Bangsar
(though, to be fair, many REGULAR groups are found here too, but the
clothing tells them apart, you wont miss it.)
10. Love Yogi-B/Nachatra more than ChakraSonic. (Note to Regulars: these
are top Malaysian tamil rap acts)
11. Parents want them to be doctors. Many end up studying medicine in
Russia/Ukraine because they refuse to go to India and cannot afford
UK/Australia. Those who go to India may eventually switch camps to the MACHA
group.
12. Despises Samy Vellu when they don't get MIED loan.

The HIP-HOPPERS major 'claim to fame' is driving out all the REGULARs
(Malay, Chinese & Indian) and the white expatriates from Bangsar by large
quantities, so much so that they can now call Bangsar "home"


3) MACHA's
Definition:
The last and largest group of Indians in the country comes from the MACHA
group. Probably the most famous group, it is so well known that most
Malaysians think ALL Indians are from the MACHA group. Comprising nearly 70%
of the Indian population in M'sia, the MACHAS can be found in urban parts of
the cities, and also in estates.
Their characteristics include:

1. Speaks Tamil as their 1st language
2. Usually think that Indians who cant speak Tamil should commit suicide
3. Sees Tamil Nadu/Madras ( India ) as the most happening on earth.
4. Astro at home is hardwired to Astro Vaanavil and Sun TV.
5. Worship Kollywood films. The men openly desire to be like Vijayakanth.
6. Think Vijaykanth is a better actor than Rajini.
7. A night-out will have to include a stop at any Indian shop in Brickfields.
8. The shopping haven will have to be Jalan Masjid India.
9. Know all the Tamil songs by heart and has never heard of Hitz.FM or Fly FM.
10. For men, outfit is never complete without a gold chain.
11. Women prefer to spend their life-savings on gold jewelry and gaudy sarees.
12. Half of them aspire to be doctors; the other half, their parents
want them to be doctors. The bright ones become the pride of all Indians in
the country when they enter UM for medicine, the less fortunate go to AIMST.
13. Most just drop-out of school and contribute to social-problem areas
in the country.
14. Prefer ChakraSonic over Yogi-B/Nachatra
15. Loves Samy Vellu.
16. Klang is currently their HQ, though they operate independently in Sentul,
Kajang and Sungai Petani.

They have been recent studies that Machas are best for work like being a bouncer, police and bodyguards. The rest are in jail.