A collection of jokes !

Johnny and the missing ears

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was
born without ears.

When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family
was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the
baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get
the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked
in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."

The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny."

Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor
said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be
shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses.

******

LITTLE JOHNNY DIGS A HOLE

One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard.

The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate.

"Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked.

"My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied.

"That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the
neighbor.

"That's because he's inside your cat!"

*******

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Husband to wife: When I get
mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the
toilet bowl.

Husband: How does
that help?

Wife: I use your
toothbrush.

********

Christmas shopping

It was nearly Christmas and Judge Judy was in a happy mood. She asked the
defendant, "What are you being prosecuted for?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping too early," replied the defendant.

"That's not a crime," replied Judge Judy.

"How early were you doing you Christmas shopping?"

"Before the store opened," replied the defendant!

********

From the church

A husband comes home from church; he greets his wife and lifts her up and
carries her around the house.

The wife is so surprised and asks "Did the pastor preach about being
romantic?"

The husband said, "No! He said we must carry our burdens and
sorrows!”